hot sauce and other lubricants i do not recommend

just kidding. hot sauce feels awesome.

whoah. see, there is really no recovering from a start like that. but i will try my best. i am still awake. i believe that makes it 39 hours straight. i think non-essential bodily functions are starting to shut down. my right foot is tapping out a beat i can’t quite figure out.

for some reason the worst tv show is on right now. juice is ravaging a bag of funyions (funyuns? fun yins? i don’t know. they’re fake onion rings) and he refuses to change the channel.

the show is that weird pop-up video/best week ever/any vh-1 show ever format, but for videos of late 90’s spring breaks, but without funny people, just lots of terrible jokes that wouldn’t make the cut on public access.

example:

guy flies down down slip and slide on his belly into large plastic beer bottles

commentary (man with terrible beard): “oh man! this is the only bowling where you use two balls”

get it? because he has testicles!

oil covered girls wresting in an inflatable kiddy pool

commentary (large black woman): “i think those skinny bitches need to be fighting over a sandwich”

i am left speachless. and with a screaming pain in my side.

shitty clip shows might have claimed their first victim. this is less cool than dying from an undercooked hot pocket